Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize