Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
