I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
