I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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