I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize