It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize