at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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