I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
