apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
