Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
