How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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