Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
