I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
