you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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