I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
