dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
