They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
