If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
