Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize