Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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