How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
