I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
