I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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