You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
