Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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