if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
