Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
