I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
