so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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