she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
