Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
