My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize