My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
