We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize