And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
