Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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