I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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