Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
