I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
