I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize