How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
