Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
