Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
