He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
