You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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