I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
