U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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