FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
