My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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