i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
