it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
and you fell through a lawn chair
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize