I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
