I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize