I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
