God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize