I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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