so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
