Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
