I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
