I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize