12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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