You're my little dorito
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
