So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
