i think i have herpe
just one?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
