I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
