you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Still dying that you shit outside
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
